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| "My name is Hercules and this is my story...ENJOY IT!" |
Once upon a time there was a tiny chihuahua named Hercules. Well actually he's my dog. He's still very much alive. He likes to yell. This is mini documentary about his yelling. He has a foul mouth. You have been warned.
Hercules is so little that he feels threatened and therefore has "little man" syndrome...this causes him to overreact to many everyday situations such as meal times.
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| "DOG EAT DOG IS JUST AN EXPRESSION ASSHOLE!!! PISS OFF !!!" |
Sometimes he likes to go for rides in the car.
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| "HEY! HEY! LET"S GET THIS SHOW IN THE ROAD! I AIN'T GETTING ANY YOUNGER!" |
Sometimes he likes to tell jokes.
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| "DID YOU HEAR THAT ONE ABOUT THE ONE-LEGGED HOOKER? HER NAME WAS ILENE...BAH HA HA HA HA HA!" |
He loves summer and likes to camp and fish and do all that fun summer shit.
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| "HEY HOSE MONKEY! DO I LOOK LIKE A TROUT TO YOU?!" |
He really enjoys spending time with his good friend Atticus.
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| "CAN ATTICUS COME OUT AND PLAY!?" |
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| "HEY ATTICUS!!! LET'S GO FOR A RIDE!" |
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"I SAID LEFT YOU ASS PUCK! LEFT! LEFT! TURN AROUND!!!!!!"
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| "OH YEAH!? WELL FUCK YOU TOO YOU WHITE SEAL LOOKING DICK HEAD!" |
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| "OH YEAH? WELL YOU DRIVE WORSE THAN MY GREAT GRANDMA!" |
He enjoys dressing nice so he can pick up bitches on the weekends.
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| "THESE ARE DOLCE AND GABBANA BITCHES. DON'T HATE" |
Occasionally he will drink too much and wake up with his bitch's clothes on. He doesn't find it as funny as everyone else.
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| "HA HA, VERY FUNNY MOTHER FUCKERS!" |
Sometimes he even gets in an argument with his bitch about who looks the best!
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| "NO, YOU DON'T LOOK BETTER THAN ME!" "BITCH PLEASE, I LOOK BETTER THAN YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!" |
He really likes to rip it up on his long board!
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| "HEY TONY HAWK! YOU'RE OLD!" |
He comforts his friends when they are ill.
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| "THEY'RE GONNA STICK A THERMOMETER UP YOUR ASS! BAH HA HA!" |
He is in the National Guard and loves to teach others some discipline.
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| "ARE YOU QUITTING ON ME? WELL, ARE YOU? THEN QUIT, YOU SLIMY FUCKING WALRUS-LOOKING PIECE OF SHIT! GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY OBSTACLE! GET THE FUCK DOWN OFF OF MY OBSTACLE! NOW! MOVE IT! OR I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR BALLS OFF, SO YOU CANNOT CONTAMINATE THE REST OF THE WORLD!" |
He really likes to order take out. However sometimes it's scary.
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| "XIANGROU? WHAT IS THAT? DOG MEAT!? YOU SERVE DOG MEAT? WHAT? THE? FUCK? I JUST WANTED SOME POT STICKERS!" |
He really, really, really LOVES birthday parties!
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| "HEY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU OLD FUCK!" |
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| "PLEASE GIVE ME A HOTTIE TO HUMP TONIGHT! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HOLLA!" |
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| "WHO SAID WISHES DON'T COME TRUE?!" |
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| "HELLO? STRIP-O-GRAM? MY FRIEND'S GETTING IMPATIENT AND I AM SURE AS HELL NOT GETTING NAKED FOR HIM!" |
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| "DON'T EVEN THINK OF TOUCHING MY CAKE DOUCHE WAD. YOU WILL PULL BACK A BLOODY STUMP IF YOU DO! |
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| "CAKE! CAKE! CAKE! OHMYGODILOVECAKE! HEY.......WHERE'S MY ICE CREAM?" |
He especially enjoys celebrating the holidays.
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| "WHO THE HELL INVITED THE PILGRIMS!? SERIOUSLY? WELL THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD." |
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| "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO SANTA? THERE IS TOO! MOM! MOOOOMMMMM!!!!" |
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| "HEY START THE FIREWORKS ALREADY SO I CAN WATCH MY BROTHERS PISS ON THEMSELVES!" |
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| "MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS MOTHER FUCKERS!" |
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| "THAT EGGNOG HAD WHAT IN IT? RUM? WHAT'S RUM? I CAN'T FEEL MY TONGUE. DOTH ANYONE HAF ANY BREAFMINTHS?" |
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| "WHERE'S MY GODDAMN PRESENT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I ATE IT? THAT LITTLE BISCUIT WAS MY PRESENT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" |
He loves to play outside.
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| "HEY, LET'S GO BUILD A SNOWDOG AND PUT BALLS AND A WIENER ON HIM! BAH HA HA!" |
Once in a while he makes a bad choice.
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| "I DID WHAT LAST NIGHT? OHMYGOD WHAT A DOG!" |
He's actually just a little disrespectful dickhead at times.
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| "I SAID YOUR MOMMA IS AN UGLY BITCH! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!" |
It's not easy for him to juggle his busy lifestyle!
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| "OHMYGOD WHO LIT THESE MOTHER FUCKERS ON FIRE!?" |
He definitely uses his small stature to his advantage.
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| "HEY LADY! YOU REALLY SHOULD PUT ON SOME PANTIES! THAT SHIT AIN'T RIGHT. EVER HEAR OF A RAZOR?" |
Sometimes it's just another day in the life of Herc the jerk.
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| "SAY IT DON'T SPRAY IT. I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I? I'M RUBBER AND YOU'RE GLUE, EVERYTHING YOU SAY BOUNCES OFF ME AND STICKS ON YOU!" |
Sometimes his mouth get's him in deep water. Literally. (PS: the water was drained completely so don't freak out.)
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| "HEY! HELLO? WHEN I SAID I WAS FEELING A LITTLE FLUSHED I DIDN'T MEAN IT LITERALLY. UM...HELP?" |
He likes to experience different cultures.
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| "IMMA GO HANG IN DA HOOD IN MY HOODIE...HOPE NOBODY POPS A CAP IN MY ASS FOR WEARING THIS OUTFIT" |
Prank calls are fun!
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| "HELLO, PEST CONTROL? MY BROTHER'S A PEST. CAN YOU SEND SOMEONE OVER?" |
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He loves to act in local theater productions.
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| "HA HA HA! I AIN'T "LION" I JUST HUMPED TOTO! WE AIN'T IN KANSAS ANYMORE! |
He runs his own business.
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| "ARE YOU GOING TO FUCKING BUY SOMETHING OR JUST STAND THERE LOOKING LIKE A DIP FUCK, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A BIG SELECTION HERE!" |
Sometimes he even yells at ME!
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| "HEY! I'M TRYING TO TAKE A NAP HERE! COULD YOU TURN STAR WARS DOWN A LITTLE? AND QUIT QUOTING EVERY LINE, FUCKING NERD" |
He pretty much likes to boss everybody.
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| "HEY! YOU'RE BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE DUMB ASS! SERIOUSLY..." |
He has idols.
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| "I PITY THE FOOL..." |
Sometimes his insults just fall short.
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| "OH YEAH? WELL YOU'RE UGLY AND YOUR MOMMA DRESSES YOU FUNNY TOO!" |
Once in a while his mouth really does get him in trouble...in more ways than one.
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| "ooooowww...oooohhhh....gaaaaahhhhhh....who turned off the lights" |
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| "I SWEAR I WAS FRAMED!" |
But in the end he is actually just the cutest sweetest chihuahua he can be.
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| "All that yelling made me tired...hope you liked my story :)" |
