Sunday, November 28, 2010

Mowing red balls

I like yard work. I like red balls. I mean red rubber playground balls, the kind you used to play with in elementary school. They're fun.

"FUN!"

Somehow one ended up in my backyard. I didn't question it I just cherished it. I loved my red rubber ball. I played with it, took photos of it and even washed the chihuahua pee pee off of it. After a while I could see it was getting sun bleached and so I even put lotion on it. Not really. I just put water on it to make it all shiny red again and not faded pink.

"SHINY!"

Anyway, one day I was out mowing my yard and the red ball was in my path. I have a few balls in my yard, a couple of golf balls, a purple wiffle ball and even a marball. I mean marble. Whatever. I don't run over any of them with my mower because that might not be a good idea with the rotating blade and small dogs running around.

VROOOOM!

I run over the apples and pears that fall off my trees and let me tell you, they don't fair well. Well I figured since the red ball was so big I could just nudge it out of the way and continue on my grass cutting way. I gently nudged it. It moved a tiny bit but was still in my way. I nudged it again. It moved a little more but not quite enough to be completely out of my way. So I nudged it one more time.

NUDGE. NUDGE. NUDGE...

BAD idea. BAD. The lawnmower seemed to take on a life of its own and like a hungry mouth opening, jumped up and gulped down my big red rubber ball in one chomp. KAPOWIE BLAMMO!!! Holy shit!!!! I almost peed, shit my pants and fainted right there. What a scary fucking noise! My ball had exploded and was scattered around the yard in pieces. My lawnmower quit with a big grumble and puff of black smoke.

"SCARY!"

That cannot be a good sign. Shit. My ears were ringing and my hands were shaking and I am sure my eyes were big as saucers! WOW. Lesson learned. Do not try to move any air filled object out of your lawn mowing path with the actual mower. It took me a few minutes to convince the mower to start again and about a week to recover all my ball's parts.

"SIGH..."
I cannot believe schools allow children to play with these things.


:)

6 comments:

  1. Hahahah!! I love the illustrations! Red balls remind me of red-ass sock monkey. Encore! Encore!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Funny you should mention that........I actually wrote that blog first today...also included how you used to beat up my stuffed animals!

    ReplyDelete
  3. HA! I love it. I like your hair in the pics too. Don't feed your lawn mower too many things, its bound to get a bad tummy ache.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Too bad the ball died, I was going to suggest Armor-All for the "faded red ball".

    ReplyDelete
  5. B. you would like my hair!!! :)

    thanks trevor!

    Dustin I DID think of using some of that ;)

    ReplyDelete